Over the past year, I began to take steps that I had always been afraid to take. I have always viewed my life as a journey forward, so therefore my focus had always been looking ahead. There was never really much inward reflection, or even looking at the road I had already traveled. Any inward reflection tended to lead to a weird depression because I only saw the things I didn't like. As many of you probably know, depression is never fun. As a result, anytime inward reflection began to take place, I would quickly move on. After-all, it's where I am going that matters, no matter who I am, if I can make it, I've done well and am a good person, or so I thought.
I had always known that my personal issues were taking a toll on my family. And I like to be an open book, so I will let you all know that these issues I am referring to, all stem from anger. I am a short-tempered individual. I often speak without thinking, and say hurtful things while in the process. I began to weigh if I was even qualified to be in any type of ministry. An angry man sharing good news? That didn't really make sense to me.
I spent a very large amount of time in prayer. Late nights were I found myself with an inability to focus on anything other than prayer. I wrestled. I blamed everything on everyone else. I blamed my anger on the unprocessed death of my father. I blamed it on the sinful man that he was. What I didn't realize however, is that my own sin was in the way of seeing that no man is to blame for my own actions apart from myself.
I began counseling. Something I told myself I always wanted to do but never really actually wanted to do it. I began to focus on my anger, and the root of that problem. God guided me through prayer and rambling to myself. I began to strategically look at my own inward life, and the results have been beautiful. I have not only been able to control my anger better, but have also been able to see my entire life from a different lens.
This brings me to where I am today. Humbled in every area of my life, and the bubbles of joy are rising. I am healing, and God is so good.